REST IN PEACE VERNA...

I will never forget her. She was easily 25 years my senior, and yet she was willing to enter my world. I had littles, and her kids were grown. I was boisterous, and she was quiet. I was emotionally expressive, and she was more stoic. I was passionate and relentless and she more resolute and steady. We were both musicians. We both played the piano and organ. We were both deeply committed to Christ. It was over 30 years ago that I met her. And today, she will be laid to rest.

Last night and today, as the news of her passing has been sinking in, I have been remembering her and her late husband. I am trying not to regret the years that have passed that have brought separation of time and proximity. But I really wish I could tell her what she means to me.

When we met, I felt unsteady. I was young, and we had just moved. Our hearts were still mending from a very difficult ministry situation, and I was floundering to figure out my place in this world as a new mom, a youth pastor’s wife, and a new member of the Jackson, MI church community. She and her husband were attentive to our needs, and they saw us, stepping in to help us with our home and lives. They believed in us. They were generous with their time and resources. They walked with us.

Verna was a calming presence to me. She would continually remind me in her quiet and dear voice that she was holding our family up in prayer. And, although I could tell we were very different Moms to our littles, I never felt judged. Instead, I was listened to, quietly encouraged, and walked with. (The tears are welling up again as I remember.)

Her husband Dick would come over to our older home with his drywall stilts and supplies, and Ken and Dick would work together in the evenings after work to help fix up our home. While they were upstairs and our young son would watch – amazed at the process, Verna and I would be in the kitchen making dinner. And we would eat together. There would be times when I was nursing the kids that she, much more modest and proper than myself would be sitting with me talking quietly but mostly listening. She was endlessly supportive, wise, and kind to me. When I became the Music and Worship Pastor – she was with me. She and her sister-in-law, Hilda, supported my ministry in ways many knew nothing of.

Then, in my 40’s I replaced Ken as the youth pastor, and I knew that I needed Verna. I went to her home, and she received me warmly. I poured my heart out to her, weeping and requesting her prayers, already knowing what her answer would be. She prayed with me right there – taking to God my distress and concerns for my family, our ministries (Ken and I were both on staff at JaxNaz, a rapidly growing church), our students and our community. While youth group or our addictions support group for teenagers were in session - she would be praying behind the scenes interceding for my kids, their families, my wisdom and strength, and so much more. She agreed to pray for specific situations that would remain confidential. (She was a trusted confidante who shared only with our God, and I knew it.) Even in the most dire of situations that broke my heart, she reserved judgment and took everything to God in prayer. Oh how I miss her – especially now. I am forever grateful for her time, investment and care.

As she aged, I had a front row seat, watching how she cared for herself. As a younger woman, she taught me about aging gracefully and graciously. I asked her one day about her care regimen. She explained that as you age your body changes and your center of gravity shifts, and she was taking exercise classes to help her navigate and acclimate so she could keep her body strong and agile into her 60’s, 70’s and beyond. She introduced me to a clinic for women. And in her unassuming way, she helped me see that caring for and nurturing my body in the midst of the craziness of ministry was crucial. (Oh how I wish I would have listened more intently at the time. But, Verna, I am trying to listen now.)

She always held herself with dignity and poise. She was never reckless nor crass. She was steady, calm, assertive and strong.

Verna, I thank you.

I needed to be reminded today of who you are, how you lived, how you believed, how you hoped and how you prayed. Thank you for investing in me as a young mom and as a pastor. Thank you for providing steady guidance and wisdom all along the way. How I love you. And how I wish I would have told you all of this before February 14th. You deserved to hear it.

I will be leaning into your example as I sail this sea of uncertainty, difficulty and turmoil. Our world continues to be tumultuous, but even so, I pray for resolve, for kindness to resurface and for a steadfast presence of sanity and truth to prevail. I pray that we would reserve judgment of one another (yes, I am praying this for me as well), as we find ourselves in divided and polarized places, listening to our preferred echo chambers. I pray that we would learn what it takes to grow old gracefully and graciously – together, learning from one another and finding hope, clarity and peace.

Rest in Christ, my dear friend. I hold you in my tears, in my heart, and in my memory.

May we provide to those around us a fraction of what you offered me in all of those years. This world would be a better place.

I believe THIS is how Verna faced the world day after day. (ADD: and ardently pray).